i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
