I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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