I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
