she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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