Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize