i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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