haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
