My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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