Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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