Sry I called you an 8
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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