Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
