wanna go halves on a baby?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
