Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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