My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
