stop calling my apartment porn island.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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