I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
