Got a toothbrush?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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