finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
