so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
