my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
