Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
