I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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