What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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