I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
