I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They took my balls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
