just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
