never play flip cup with pint glasses
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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