im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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