Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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