aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
