Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
