My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
