dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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