I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
