Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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