id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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