You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
