I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
