Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
