so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
