Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
