Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
