haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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