my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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