I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
