i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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