i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
