saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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