Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
