you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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