Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
