There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
