Where are you?
In a non slutty way
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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