i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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