i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize