Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
