My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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