The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
