miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
