Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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