I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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