I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
