She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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