READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
