Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
