a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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